Last Friday night, I got home from an 8 hour work day at the Bar, and was exhausted. It was my second day bar shift in a row (out of 3) and I was feeling it. The problem with the day shift at my bar is that the hours are long, and we’re not allowed to sit. So needless to say, my feet and legs are tired after 2 days in a row. Knowing I had a 3rd (I picked up a shift) did not help matters at all.
I came home, threw my things on the couch and collapsed in exhaustion. “one more day.I can do this”. After some time, I checked my email, and a wave of upset came over me. See, sometimes I suffer from what is called a comparison hangover (I can’t take credit for that term, I got it from this lady). That’s when you start looking at what everyone else is doing and coming up short in comparison. It’s not a healthy thing to do and believe you me, I’m not proud of it, but from time to time it happens. I’ve gotten much better at it but slip back into it usually when I’m really tired. I didn’t want the hangover so I closed the computer and went back to my couch.
I just sat there staring at the table trying to feel what I was feeling. I was sad. What did my body feel like when I was sad? What were the physical sensations? Was it in my stomach, in my chest, in my legs? I tried not to listen to my thoughts of the “hey stupid -it’s cuz you’re not good enough!” That’s not really helpful and I didn’t want to go there. So, I sat there in my sadness, I took deep breaths, and I started to cry.
I have to say, I started to feel much better. Now, I should probably tell you that I am a crier normally. I’m totally the girl who cries when people win awards, or at the video of the football team that let one of their players who has down-syndrome score the winning touch-down (I mean it’s so touching how could you not?), and I’ve even been known to cry at commercials. I don’t know why, I just do. I literally get moved to tears. But that is a different kind of cry than crying out of sadness. Usually I invoke the help of some movie to cry out of sadness,my favorite being “The Notebook”. But this time, it was just me.
I got to thinking-”I wonder if everyone cries like this? I wonder if they let themselves cry.” I think the power of a good cry is totally underrated. When I hear people say “I haven’t cried in 2 years” or some other long amount of time , I’m like “wow-you must really have some deep emotions pent up!”. A good cry is essential for emotional well-being. It releases anger, sadness, frustration, fears, worry. The trick of course is to not get caught up in the story of Why you’re crying, because it is just that-a STORY. It’s not real. But listen to your body, and the next time you feel your emotions knocking on your body’s door, let them in and let the tears fall. Oh, and don’t forget to tell me about it, or any other thoughts/stories about crying here!
lots of loving tears,